May-September Unfriend

No I don't want to meet up. You are twice my age.

Memories

I only vaguely remember meeting you.

It’s not you, it’s him

I am unfriending you because your husband is a pervert.

Wife-of-a-Friend-of-an-Ex-Boyfriend

I'm not really interested in looking at pictures of your baby.

Old Wounds

You completely broke my heart two years ago.

The Spellbinder

33 years-old and can't spell?

The Heartbreaker

I unfriended her out of total embarrassment when she rejected my ass.

See you at the reunion?

We were never actually friends in High School

The Jealous Comedienne

She hated me because her roommate thought I was funnier than she was.

Those eyes